


the giving tree

by kosmicdust



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Keith (Voltron) Whump, Lance (Voltron) Whump, M/M, bad cliches, dark shit, just know its not for the faint of heart, romcom on steroids, theres lots of godawful jokes too, voltrons fucking dead and so am i, well the lance whump is questionable but its kinda there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-09-18 18:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosmicdust/pseuds/kosmicdust
Summary: why do you let me take everything from you?keith and lance finally let their oblivious pining turn into a relationship, but it's not what either of them expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey, i know voltrons been dead for like a year and i need to get over it but this totally counts because i started writing it back when voltron was relevant  
and apparently people still occasionally read voltron fics  
so if yall want some content that i wrote at various times over the past year+ while feeling sad, here ya go

Keith liked reading.

This came as a surprise to some people-  _ Keith? _ Red Paladin of Voltron? Hotheaded fighter pilot? The guy that did more swordfighting than talking? He was a  _ nerd? _

Well… yeah.

How else would he have gotten into the Galaxy Garrison, the most prestigious  _ school _ on Earth?

But anyway.

Keith liked  _ books. _

As a foster kid moving around from place to place, he didn’t have much to depend on- no friends or family to support him, no location that reminded him of happier days, nothing to remind him that he still mattered to the world.

So it was easier to latch onto something universal- literature. Libraries were everywhere, even in what was considered the Golden Age of technology, and no one could tell him to leave the school or county library. Books were something for  _ everyone. _

Even a small, lonely, antisocial kid with mommy and daddy issues.

Books never told his secrets to anyone else. Books never decided he wasn’t worth their time. Books never decided to  _ leave. _

Keith liked to cling to things. He always clung to certain books and ideas that followed him throughout the rest of life. A simple example was the classic Dune books- scifi never let him down. At least, until he got to space and realized it wasn’t exactly how he pictured it. But that was  _ okay. _ That had been a family he considered almost as broken as his own would be.

But the thought that he never forgot, the book that he would always hold close to his heart, hadn’t been a book that he had found on his own.

When he was maybe ten or eleven, Keith had been in a foster home with a nice young woman that had wanted to do good for the world. She was one of those people that wanted to do everything she could to restore humanity’s faith in itself. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been ready for taking on five foster kids at once and Keith had been taken away, but he liked to think of her as the mother he never had.

His foster mother had been a strong believer in proper education, so every night she had sat them all down in the small living room and read them an old book. They were short, with pictures, and always taught the moral or lesson. At the end, she would ask what that lesson was, then lecture them on taking it to heart.

The other kids had always been annoyed by it, no matter how much they enjoyed the attention. But Keith had always listened in interest, happy to be learning new things and being taught everything he had missed when it came to morality after his dad’s death.

But that one book had been one she took very seriously. It had a simplistic green cover, with crude drawings of a boy and a tree. Keith had frowned at it critically at first, doubtful that something like that would teach him anything worthwhile, but he still paid rapt attention to his foster mother’s words.

She always spoke in a light, singsong-y voice when she read them books, a relaxing cadence that brought the rhymes to life. But with this one, her voice had an almost choked quality, and Keith thought he saw a small tear forming in one of her eyes.

But she determinedly read them the book, telling a strange story that Keith didn’t understand at first.

“ _ Once there was a tree… _ ”

When she finished reading, she took a deep breath and straightened up. “Do any of you know what this book means?”

“Don’t give away all of your stuff?” a girl asked tentatively.

Their foster mother managed a small, halfhearted smile at that. “Close, but no. This story… it represents a lesson  _ all of you _ should know. A lesson some of you should have known when you were younger. A lesson that might help you deal with those problems now or problems in the future.” She looked around at them, the most serious look in her eyes that Keith had ever seen on her. “Don’t give up  _ your happiness _ in exchange for someone else’s. Okay? You might… you might think you’re happy, that you’re simply being supportive. But that is a relationship you  _ have _ to stay out of. Your… your  _ struggle _ should not make someone else happy.”

She paused for a moment, her thoughts turned in another direction. “And don’t be that person, either. Don’t ask for more than what you know they can give you without hurting themselves. Respect their boundaries. And respect your own. This is all I ask of you.”

Keith swallowed anxiously. Had he… had he been the boy in the story? Had he asked too much of his parents, of his foster parents, of the people he wanted to consider friends? Had he pushed them too far?

Was that why they left?

Keith had always wondered that, in the years that passed. He  _ tried _ not to be that person. He  _ tried _ to let other people set his boundaries so he knew not to push them.

He  _ tried _ to be normal.

…

Keith had two boyfriends before going up into space. Both had been fellow cadets at the Galaxy Garrison- a bad idea no matter how you looked at it. But Keith refused to learn from either experience.

His first(they had both been sixteen) had called him “ a clingy, annoying little bitch.” He had thought Keith was too controlling, thought Keith wanted him entirely too much compared to his distinct lack of interest in Keith. They had only made it a month before he broke up with Keith on Valentine’s Day.

Keith had tried to collect himself, tried to breathe and regain his sense of self for a few months before attempting a new relationship. The biggest issue with that was that he had awkwardly asked a guy out just after Kerberos launched, so rumors had spread about Keith and Shiro, rumors that had gotten around to his new boyfriend. The new one was always convinced Keith didn’t care about him, convinced that Keith was sleeping around no matter how many times Keith told him it wasn’t true. He had wanted Keith to stop talking to everyone- which required absolutely no change since Keith never talked anyway- and pay attention to no one but him.

When Keith had confessed his problems to the guy and let himself become clingy again, he had spread lies all over the Garrison about what kind of person Keith was.

(He was selfish.)

(Emotionless.)

(A stone-cold bitch.)

(A liar.)

(A useless little orphan that wanted nothing but his mommy and daddy back.)

Keith got kicked out of the Garrison pretty soon after.

And then… then there was  _ space. _

Shiro, Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, Coran…

They were a happy family together.

It was nice.

And then Keith screwed it up.

…

_ Emotions _ weren’t something Keith thought he could control.

What could he possibly do about things he couldn’t change?

So he withdrew from society once again. He only built his walls higher and higher until he doubted he would really be able to trust anyone again.

It wasn’t perfect, but it worked, and that was all Keith needed out of life. It wouldn’t bring him happiness, but…

It was enough.

…

Of course, that all changed when the group of amazing people known as Voltron crashed into his life.

Keith hadn’t expected to find Shiro that night. None of them had. And they certainly hadn’t expected to be flung into a fight that didn’t belong to them.

But the funny thing about only spending time with six other people, some mice, and sentient robots was that you began to let your guard down. You smile sometimes. Maybe laugh. Be the person you’ve always known you were.

If there was anyone in the entire goddamn universe Keith knew he could trust, it was these lovable idiots.

But then…

Then  _ Keith _ was the idiot again.

You can’t keep those Gay Feelings™ away forever.

…

“So…” Pidge said, settling down onto the couch and sliding entirely too close for comfort. “Lance, huh?” She adjusted her glasses, and the light glared off of them in a way that did  _ not _ settle Keith’s nerves.

“Pfft- Lance? What about Lance?” Keith stammered awkwardly, pointedly ignoring the fact that his face felt hotter than Lance.

Wait-

“You  _ liiiike _ him, don’t you?” Pidge asked with a ridiculous shit-eating grin. 

“What? No, no, I just-”

“Just  _ what, _ Keithy?”

Keith knew when he had lost a battle. “Okay, fine,  _ maybe  _ I think Lance’s broad shoulders are ridiculously hot and his eyes are way better than Earth’s polluted oceans, but that doesn’t mean-”

“The hotshot pilot with a resting bitchface has a crush on the funny guy!”

And of course, because Keith has wonderful luck,  _ that _ had been the moment Lance decided to walk into the room.

“Crush on the funny guy?” he echoed. “Who’s got a crush on the funny guy? Wait, am  _ I _ the funny guy-”

Keith shot Pidge a glare before looking up at Lance. “Never in a million years would anyone have a crush on  _ you. _ ”

Keith, a blushing mess, was clearly not convincing in the slightest, but Lance was as oblivious as fuck, so it didn’t matter to him.

“A million years isn’t that bad!” Lance exclaimed. “If I have to wait for my lovely lady love- or man, I’m not picky- then I will.”

“That’s a hell of an age gap,” Pidge observed dryly, though Keith could tell she was holding back laughter.

Lance hesitated with an adorable frown, waving his arms wildly as he tried to think of something to say. “Well- that doesn’t-” He sighed and deflated. “Okay, ya got me there. But Allura did ten thousand! I can do a million!”

“A million is ten thousand times a hundred,” Keith pointed out lightly, not even trying to hold back his quiet laughter.

“Oh, shut up, Keith!” Lance shot Keith a small grin to make sure Keith knew he was joking before flopping down next to him.

Pidge poked Keith’s side, and he jumped, flinching straight into Lance.

“You okay, man?” Lance asked with a snort.

“I’m doing great,” Keith said sarcastically. He poked Pidge back before standing up. “But if I want to do even better, I should keep training, so. Goodbye.”

Pidge looked like she might strangle him after wasting all of her hard work to get them together, so Keith quickly fled to the training deck.

_ I have a crush on Lance, I have a fucking  _ crush _ on  _ Lance _ - _

He unsheathed his knife and called down a training robot. He sighed and decided maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing, if you ignored the fact that they were teammates and played two of the most important roles on their side of the war. Especially since he wasn’t sure if there  _ were _ other people on their side of the war. But all of that didn’t matter. Keith couldn’t control his emotions, but he could stop them, if nothing else. Hopefully, though, that would never be something he had to put to practice.

Lance was a good guy.

…


	2. Chapter 2

See, Keith had no reason to believe he was getting into anything bad when he started to spend more time with Lance.

  
If anything, Lance had to be a better person than him, right?

What bad person would put in effort to make him smile each and every day? What bad person would try to keep them all upbeat and positive even as they fought an impossible war? What bad person would bring joy to someone that has none?

…

In truth, Lance isn’t a bad person.

He’s not.

He’s not a good person, either.

But who really is? The world isn’t black and white.

But that doesn’t validate what he did.

That doesn’t make his actions and words okay.

That doesn’t make Keith okay.

But there’s more to their relationship than abuse.

Keith and Lance are confused, deranged messes, and they did this to each other.

…

“Lance Lance Lance Lance-” He choked on his own words, tears of confusion burning his face. “No- no-”

Lance froze for a moment, then pulled back. He said something that Keith couldn’t hear, too busy drowning in the deep end he had mistaken for the shallows.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

Was he doing something wrong? There wasn’t any intended malice in the words, and yet- it felt like a taunt. It cleared Keith’s mind for a moment, gave him time to think it over.

No, it wasn’t anything wrong. They were two people in love. This was what people in love did, right?

Keith shook his head, his eyes meeting Lance’s for a moment in the darkness before he tossed his head to the side, focusing his gaze on the emptiness beside him.

“Don’t stop,” Keith mumbled quietly. “E-even if I say no- it doesn’t mean anything.”

He could feel Lance’s gaze on him for a few seconds. “O-okay. After all, this is what we’re supposed to do, right? This is love.”

This is love.

This is love this is love this is love.

He murmured those words, over and over, until they turned to screams.

…

Keith stared up at the ceiling. He felt Lance roll off of him, collapsing beside him.

“That… was nice,” Lance said quietly.

Keith hesitated for a moment before replying with an almost-silent, “Yes…” He sighed and closed his eyes. He was physically tired, and his voice was hoarse, and after all of that… all he wanted to do was sleep.

He heard the blankets shift and felt Lance’s weight leave the bed. Lance walked away, and for a moment, Keith wondered if this hadn’t meant anything to Lance at all- that he’d given himself, wholly and completely, to a person that thought nothing of him.

But then Lance returned, and Keith relaxed as a warm, damp towel ran over his bare skin. At least Lance cared enough to do this. It was better than anyone else Keith had ever had.

The towel went away, and Lance walked away once more, leaving one last lingering touch on Keith’s thigh. The warm water that remained on his skin turned cold in the low temperature of the room, and Keith shivered.

Lance came back to the side of the bed, but he didn’t lie down. Keith heard him fidgeting with something, and he cracked open an eye to see what Lance was doing.

Lance smiled down at him when he noticed Keith’s stare. “Pidge and Hunk were able to get some music from Earth. This song is one of my favorites, and I think it kinda reflects how I’m feeling right now.”

The sound of some sort of drums cut through the air, and Keith smiled at the memory of music, something they hadn’t been able to really find out here in space.

“What song is this?” Keith asked quietly.

“It’s a Bob Marley song. ‘Is This Love’. It’s good, don’t worry.”

Keith silently listened, paying attention to the lyrics and feeling his smile twist, like it wanted to slowly fall and grow wider at the same time. He shook his head and sat up, wincing at the slight pain. “Wasn’t this guy a stoner?”

Lance laughed a little. “Yeah, I think. Don’t worry, I swear I’m not hiding drugs under my condom supply.”

Keith snorted, but he was only half paying attention to Lance.

“I want to love you- I want to love and treat- I want to love and treat you right… I want to love you every day and every night.”

“Is this love- is this love- is this love- is this love that I’m feeling?”

Is this love?

He glanced at Lance’s smiling face. He looked so… happy. And there was a weird feeling in Keith’s stomach- twisting and knotting and confusing. Lance seemed to be happy with him. But at what point would Keith ask too much from him? When would “love” be too much?

Keith knew Lance had about as much experience with romantic love as he had- neither of them really understood it. But Lance understood friendships and familial bonds. Surely that meant he knew how their relationship was supposed to go?

He would just have to trust Lance. Trust Lance knew what these emotions meant. Try not to take that happiness in his eyes from him.

…

“Paladins, are you there?”

“Yeah,” Shiro’s voice cut in through the static, “Pidge got slightly injured during the battle, but the Green Lion is still responding. Coming back to base, Princess.”

After everything they had been through, Pidge’s minor injury wasn’t anything that needed to be worried about. Pidge was one of Keith’s closer friends, yeah, but he knew she would bounce right back. So that was what caused him to fuck up-

He hadn’t known yet. He should’ve known, sure, but he hadn’t.

“It’s all Lance’s fault,” Keith said snarkily.

“Aw, Keithy-boy, don’t be mean to your boyfriend over me,” Pidge giggled- her dazed reaction was probably due to a combination of exhaustion and light shock over her injury.

Everyone else laughed at that, so Keith didn’t think much of it.

“Alright, team, c’mon. Let’s get back to the Castle.”

Shiro’s swift redirect of the conversation drew Keith’s attention away from the words he had said, and within a few hours, he had forgotten he had said it at all.  
Lance hadn’t laughed.

…

“Lance!” Keith gasped quietly as he was pushed back against the wall. They were right out in the hallway of the Castleship- anyone that walked by would be able to see them.

But Lance didn’t seem to care about that.

Lance said nothing, just roughly attacked Keith’s lips with his own, his hands slipping down to Keith’s waist and bringing their hips together.

Keith didn’t really mind giving control to another person- it was easier to figure out the rules when he wasn’t the one that was expected to make them. Although he hated being bested by an enemy, giving up that power to someone he trusted was hardly difficult.

What did concern Keith slightly was the aggression Lance was doing all of this with. He was acting like Keith was just another enemy to beat- an idea that Keith had thought Lance had let go of ages ago.

But as the feeling of another body against his own grew more and more intense, Keith’s drifting mind focused back on the sensation of Lance pressing against him, caught between the cold of the Castle’s wall and the warmth of Lance’s passion.

Who would have ever guessed stagnant, cool water could boil?

…

It was painful. It was painful, it was painful, it was painful.

And yet Keith still managed to find some sort of deranged, masochistic joy in the pain- liked the feeling of knowing that Lance cared enough about him to exert so much effort into hurting him.

Maybe Keith shouldn’t have let Lance use him in such a way, but it was hardly abuse if Keith liked it so much, right?

The only red flag Keith had decided he couldn’t ignore was Lance’s constant muttering of the words he had said hours ago- “It’s all Lance’s fault.”

Simple, honest, unimportant.

Slightly concerning when growled aggressively in your ear during fantastically violent sex that left dark markings all over your body.

But Keith chose to ignore all of this. The pain. The muttering. The violence. As long as it… helped Lance, somehow, it would be fine.

Speaking of Lance, the Blue Paladin had gotten up and left at least an hour ago, leaving Keith alone in Lance’s bed. If the intention was to ditch Keith, it probably would’ve been more productive to kick Keith out, but as it was, Keith wasn’t really sure what Lance wanted now.

The bedroom door finally slid open, and Keith lifted his head to take a look at Lance. He seemed… better now. Calmer. More like the Lance that Keith had thought he knew.

When Lance scanned Keith’s body, there was no sign of lust in his gaze. Simply… disgust. Guilt.

What could Lance possibly be guilty about? And why was he disgusted?

Was it Keith’s fault?

Lance carefully made his way to the side of the bed and sat down. He lifted a hand up like he was going to touch Keith’s hair, then let it fall back to his side. Lance sighed, his gaze thousands of times softer and more thoughtful than it had been earlier.

“I… I’m sorry, Keith.”

Out of the thousands of things that could have possibly come out of his mouth, that was the one that Keith hadn’t expected in the slightest.

“Why are you saying sorry?” he asked, his voice raw from screaming.

Something like sadness flashed in Lance’s beautiful ocean-blue eyes, and Keith was so, so confused. What the hell was Lance sorry for? Why was he sad? Did he do something wrong?

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Lance whispered, his voice dripping with guilt.

Pain? Lance was worried about hurting Keith? Why? Lance had done nothing wrong to him. Keith, as the person he was closest to, was supposed to be able to support him and help him in any way possible, wasn’t he?

Pain was just a part of any relationship; even Keith knew that. Why didn’t Lance? He had such a big family- hadn’t he figured that out yet?

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” Keith said quietly, closing his eyes. “That’s what I’m here for.”

Lance was silent for a few moments, like he was debating over his answer to such a simple and obvious response. “...I guess it is what you’re here for.”

…

While you could debate over Lance’s morality any time, Keith’s was a much more complicated topic.

Was he a bad person, for dragging out both his and Lance’s pain, for encouraging such damaging behavior?

Or did he simply not understand how relationships of any nature were meant to work?

Were either of them the victim? Were either of them the abuser? Or had they just dragged themselves down into the pit of unhealthy, unintentional masochism and sadism?

Did either of them deserve the blame for their relationship?

Did Keith even understand the consequences for his own tolerant behavior?

…


	3. Chapter 3

Once you’ve allowed someone to hurt you for the first time, once you’ve approved of their actions and ideas, they have little to no problems with doing it time and time again.

“Do you really think I could get it to change shape?” Keith asked. “I mean, yeah, Lance’s changed. But everyone else’s bayards have stayed in the same shape since all of this shit started.”

“Language,” Shiro chided softly. “But yeah, I think you’ve got a lot of power in you, Keith. If you work hard, that extra effort will pay off.”

Keith sighed and nodded. “Maybe. Thanks, Shiro.” He’d been feeling a little more confident lately about physical contact, so he took a chance and went in for a hug.

Shiro loosely wrapped his arms around him with a slight laugh. “This is new.”

“I’m just trying something out, alright? Don’t get used to it,” Keith said, quiet laughter of his own escaping him.

He pulled away from Shiro and spotted Lance at the entrance to the training room. His small smile felt like it was twisting into both a frown and a grin, the way it did whenever he saw Lance.

Keith made his way over to his boyfriend- and damn, did it feel nice to be able to say that, even if he still wasn’t sure what Lance expected out of their relationship-, who was wearing a frown on his own face. Keith’s attempted smile faltered, but he tried to keep it looking normal.

“What’s up?” Keith asked lightly.

Lance didn’t say anything for a few moments. Shiro walked past them, out of the training room. The doors slid closed behind him.

“Keith,” Lance said quietly, “I don’t think you should spend time with Shiro anymore. Or at least- not so much time.”

“Why?” Keith asked, genuinely confused. Shiro was his friend, the one that had stuck by him for years, no matter what happened in that time.

“You know we were in the same class at the Garrison,” Lance said. “So… I remember when all of those rumors were spread about you. You and Shiro.”

Keith felt like his heart had fallen into his stomach and was being burned by acid. “Me and- me and Shiro? You… you know those aren’t true, right? They’re just rumors?”

Lance’s gaze met his own, and they stared at each other for at least a minute. Brilliant blue meeting stormy violet. One with a narrowed, suspicious gaze, the other wide-eyed and hoping the past wouldn’t return to bite him.

“I don’t know if I can trust that,” Lance admitted. “He- he’s just got so much more to offer than I do, y’know? And you guys knew each other for so long-”

“He had a boyfriend-”

“But they broke up, didn’t they? And people make bad decisions all the time.”

Keith was silent for a moment. “The whole thing with me and Shiro was just a lie people made up when I got a boyfriend after the Kerberos Mission launched.”

Lance sighed. “That doesn’t help at all.”

Keith looked down at the floor, without an argument to shoot back at Lance. The training room was silent for a while.

“Just… stay away from him, okay? I want to be able to trust you, Keith. I want this relationship to work.”

“...I want it to work, too.”

“So you’ll avoid Shiro?”

Keith hesitated for a few moments before responding. “...yes.”

“Thank you, Keith.”

Keith nodded and looked up at Lance. He felt frozen for a minute before stepping forward and pressing a soft, chaste kiss to Lance’s lips.

This was okay, right?

He could do this, for Lance’s sake.

He knew that cutting people off was bad, but… Lance had a valid reason for it, didn’t he?

So it was fine.

…

Pidge did _ not _ need to see whatever the fuck was going on in the hallway late last night again. She wasn’t sure how the others slept through Keith’s shrieking, if she was being perfectly honest. She also wasn’t sure how Keith was still at least twenty times more athletic than her when he got his ass pounded literally every night.

Getting her friends together was a nice idea, but honestly, she didn’t want to deal with this shit. Why couldn’t they go back to the friendship stage? Or at least first base? First base was, like, kissing and shit, right? Pidge could deal with that.

Anyway, Keith and Lance’s weird mating rituals aside, Hunk had sent her a message earlier this morning while she was mostly half-asleep and watching confusing alien reality shows. It had _ sounded _ urgent, but Pidge wasn’t really sure what it was about.

_ shiro wants me to help keith bc hes worried about klance but i dont really know keith but youre his best friend so pls help??? -hunk _

What Pidge found the most fascinating about that message was that Hunk had figured out where the question marks and dashes were, but not capitalization or any other form of punctuation.

But she should probably be worried about Keith, if the message itself was worth anything.

Pidge stretched and yawned as she got up from where she had passed out on the floor with her laptop the night before. She adjusted her glasses and attempted to tame her hair for half a second before giving up and heading to the kitchen. Hunk would probably be somewhere around there.

Just like she guessed, Hunk was in the kitchen, fussing over a pot of mystery alien food that was cooking on what passed as a stove in ancient Altea. Pidge _ still _ couldn’t get over how something that was around at the same time as Mesopotamia and had been barely touched since then was so much more advanced than anything humans had ever created.

“So… how about that message you sent me last night?” Pidge started.

Hunk jumped and turned to look at her. “Pidge! I… didn’t see you there! I mean, sometimes it’s like you’re turning into Shiro or Keith. I swear, they need bells or something-”

“Speaking of Keith and Shiro,” Pidge interjected, not willing to listen to an entire nonsensical anxiety-driven spiel, “what’s up with them?”

“Oh,” Hunk said, “Shiro was here last night, and I would’ve been asleep but I just finished talking to Shay, so I was up. But yeah, he came here and started going on about how he was worried about Keith and this thing he has going on with Lance.”

“Worried about what? The copious amount of sin they commit _ every night?” _

“Aw man, you hear that sometimes too?” Hunk shook his head. “No, like, _ worried _worried. Worried their relationship isn’t good for them, and stuff like that.”

Pidge blinked. “Really? They seem fine to me. I mean… Keith’s been kinda distant lately, but he always lights up when Lance walks in.”

“See, that’s what I thought too, at first, but doesn’t it seem kinda fake to you?”

She hesitated and thought about it. “I mean… I guess it could be.”

“Plus, apparently Keith’s been avoiding Shiro,” Hunk added. “But Keith and Shiro are like… _ brothers. _ That’s definitely gotta mean something, right?”

Pidge shrugged. “I guess we can go talk to Keith if you want to.”

Hunk nodded. “I’ll finish this up, and then we can go find him and see what’s up.”

…

“Hey Keith, I made a soup out of those plants we found on that crazy yellow planet from last week if you want some,” Hunk offered Keith brightly as he walked onto the training deck. Pidge trailed behind, narrowing her eyes at the ridiculously dark circles under his eyes.

Like… damn. Those eyebags were Gucci.

“Oh,” Keith said, without much emotion, “thanks, Hunk.”

“You alright, Keithy-boi?” Pidge asked, her voice hovering on the border between joking and serious, like it often did.

“I’m fine!” Keith insisted. “I’m fit to fight, and-”

“Not physically, idiot,” Pidge interjected dryly.

“What Pidge _ means,” _ Hunk said, jumping in anxiously, “is we’re worried about you, man. You’re just kind of… off, if you know what I mean.”

“Not really,” Keith said flatly in response, apparently giving up on pretending to be nice. “But… I’m fine, guys. _ Really.” _

“Really?” Hunk asked with those wide, puppy-dog eyes that no one could say no to.

“Really,” Keith repeated firmly. He changed his bayard back to its original form and allowed it to return to wherever those things went when they weren’t in use. “I’m done with the training deck for the day, if you want to get some practice in.”

Had they had any other conversation, Pidge probably would have snickered to herself and muttered, “Like _ hell _ I’m going to get some practice in,” but everything seemed off about their situation. She watched Keith go before turning to Hunk. “There’s definitely something going on here.”

Hunk nodded, a contemplative frown on his face. “Yeah, it’s… something. Do you really think he and Lance are bad for each other?”

Pidge bit her lip. “I… I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. Lance seems normal, right?”

“I guess,” Hunk said. He sighed and let his shoulders drop. “Man, taking care of your friends is _ hard.” _

There was a perfect opening for a joke there, but Pidge kept it to herself, in the name of staying true to the tone.

She really needed better coping mechanisms.

…

Keith collapsed into bed, his hair in his face, still damp from the shower. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath.

_ Am I _ really _ fine? _

The truthful answer was _ no, _ but Keith didn’t want to admit that.

He rolled over onto his side and pulled his knees towards his chest. The air in his room was suddenly cold, but Keith didn’t feel like he deserved to be warm.

He thought back to the story he had always used as a metaphor for relationships and contemplated once more on which characters he and Lance really resembled.

Keith had never been in love before. He didn’t know what it was supposed to be like. But he felt like what he and Lance had was _ love. _

Sometimes, _ love _ meant comforting each other after a long, hard day.

Sometimes, _ love _ meant gentle kisses and sweet, slow sex.

Sometimes, _ love _ meant losing a little bit so that they could be happy.

Sometimes, _ love _ meant pain and hard, rough kisses and violent sex.

That was what love meant to Keith. He didn’t know if that was what love was supposed to mean, but it didn’t really matter, did it? Because all that mattered was Keith’s perspective of it.

Sometimes, love meant zero.

And that was okay.

Keith had been wondering if what they had was _ normal. _ Questioning if he really did turn out to be the tree, in the end, after all of that worrying about being the boy.

But Keith was selfish. He had people that cared about him- why, he had no idea, but they were _ there. _ There were people looking after him- but the tree had nothing.

So Keith couldn’t be the victim.

Keith had to be fine.

He lay there for what seemed to simultaneously be hours and mere minutes. Everything was silent, apart from the ever-present ringing noise that filled his head and replaced his words with sound. But his lonely bliss abruptly vanished when a harsh knocking sounded from the door.

“Keith?” Lance called from the other side.

Keith made a face, but hit the button next to his bed to unlock the door. As soon as he had done so, he returned to his spot on the bed.

Lance strolled into the room with a smile on his face and laughed when he saw Keith. “Damn, tired already? I thought you were an insomniac, Kogane.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Keith muttered, but quiet enough for Lance not to hear him.

Lance’s laughter died at the lack of Keith’s response. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Keith lied.

“...Do you want to cuddle or something?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not.

Lance made his way over to the bed and pulled the blanket out from under Keith. He settled next to Keith and pulled the blanket over them.

The combined warmth of the blanket and Lance was nice, although it was kind of hot. Too hot, really, and not in a good way. But Keith didn’t bother to speak up about the heat, because Lance didn’t seem to mind it.

They ended up spooning, Lance curled around Keith, his arms wrapped around Keith’s waist. Keith would never- could never- complain about the feeling of being with someone. He had been a bit touch-deprived when he was younger, although his exes and Shiro had done their best to change that. Keith didn’t know if what they had was right, if it was okay. If the feelings he had with Lance were the feelings he was supposed to be having, if their relationship was natural.

But Keith didn’t want to give up what they had. Even if he wasn’t always happy, even if sometimes he felt scared and didn’t know why, what they had was _ his. _ And Keith had never had a lot of things that were _ his. _ Not this room, not his armor or his bayard or his lion. It had been Keith, scared and alone, with nothing but his mother’s knife, the clothes he had found for cheap at various thrift stores, and the books he had stolen from libraries over the years.

Maybe Keith was still scared, but at least he wasn’t alone anymore.

...


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey Keith, Star Wars or Star Trek?”

It started out small.

If one of them stated their opinion on something, the other would always half-heartedly agree.

“Um…” Keith shot a look at Lance. “Star Wars.”

Pidge wrinkled her nose in a combination of disgust and confusion. “I thought you liked Star Trek.”

“Nope!” Lance grinned at Pidge. “Star Wars wins, Pidgey, and you don’t want to accept that!”

Keith gave Pidge a gentle smile, and she rolled her eyes and slumped down in her chair. “I’m never going to win against the sheer power of Klance.”

…

But then it got bigger.

“We’re not going in there!” Keith exclaimed. “It’s a fucking death trap!”

_ “Yeah,” _ Lance’s voice interjected over the comms.  _ “It’s suicide.” _

Keith had known for a fact that Lance had wanted to go in and do his best to save those people. He didn’t really understand why Lance gave in and agreed with him, but he wasn’t complaining.

...

But eventually, it came crashing down in a violent end. They should have realized that this behavior would get them in trouble sooner, but then again, neither of them seemed to be acknowledging the flaws in their relationship.

It was over a mission, of course. That particular mission had called for Keith to do something dumb and dangerous, which wouldn’t have been an issue, apart from the fact that he had to do it alone.

They didn’t really have long to make the decision; only ten minutes at the most, while Allura rested briefly to regain her strength, and after that, their window of opportunity was gone.

The entirety of Team Voltron stood on the bridge, trying to decide if they were going to send in Keith or not. “Decide” meaning arguing loudly while Keith awkwardly stood in the middle.

The positives of sending Keith in: Neutralizing two powerful Galra warriors, acquisition of desperately-needed supplies, and retrieving information that could potentially be used to defeat Zarkon, or at the very least, provide insight into the inner workings of the Galra Empire.

The negatives of sending Keith in: Lacking a lion during the fight that would take place at the same time, risking the lives of thousands of innocent civilians, and increasing the chances that one of them end up severely injured.

The easier decision to make would be to let the warlords get away without going after them, as it risked less lives and posed less of a genuine threat than the other option. But if Keith was able to catch up to them and defeat them- and he knew he could; they were hiding out in an asteroid field, and he had spent years of his life practicing flying in asteroid fields- then countless lives could potentially be saved.

Shiro, Pidge, and Allura were on team “go”, as Keith began to call it in his head, while Hunk and Lance were on team “stay”. Coran remained neutral and silent, as he often did when they were arguing over a team decision.

Personally, Keith thought the much more logical decision would be to go after the warlords; there were far more advantages to doing so than there were disadvantages. But the second Lance expressed his opinion, a switch of some sort flipped in Keith’s brain and anxiety twisted in his stomach.

Keith wanted Lance to love him. Keith wanted Lance. And if he wanted Lance to stay, then he would do what Lance thought was best.

“I… think I should stay,” Keith finally said when there was a break in the arguing.

Everyone turned to stare at him, and he got the feeling it hadn’t been what they were expecting. It hadn’t been what he would have expected from himself. But he had multiple standards now- his own, his team’s, and Lance’s.  _ Keith _ wanted to do the best he could, no matter what that meant, and make the biggest impact he possibly could.  _ The team _ wanted to save as many lives as possible, but not at the cost of others’ lives.  _ Lance _ wanted…

Keith really wasn’t sure what Lance wanted.

But when he did know what Lance wanted, he let that standard take priority over the others.

Even if  _ Keith  _ and some of  _ the team _ disagreed with  _ Lance, _ at least the most important of them was satisfied.

“Bullshit,” Pidge said flatly. “I know you, Keith. Don’t you want to go after this?”

Keith was suddenly facing the scrutiny of all of the people in the universe that he cared about, and their stares made his insides twist and contort painfully as he silently shook his head.

When it was made apparent that Keith wouldn’t follow up with his reasons for his opinion, the argument broke out again.

Eventually, Coran cut in and decided that they would go after the warlords. No one wanted to argue with Coran, so they did it.

Part of Keith was happy about the decision- it was the right choice, and although it might have cost lives, it saved infinitely more. But the other part of Keith- the selfish part, the part that wanted to cling desperately to what Keith had- felt guilty. He knew that Lance’s vision of the war was narrow, and he was more focused on saving what lives he could at the present moment than saving theoretical, future lives. Lance might leave him if Keith wasn’t careful- it had happened before. If Lance wasn’t happy, then he would leave, and Keith would be alone again.

And… maybe Lance would be mad. Would think that Keith should’ve refused to go, should’ve fought harder.

Keith knew, logically, that he had done everything he could to please Lance, but anxiety told him that he was lying to himself.

…

After the difficult but successful battle, Keith quietly followed Lance back to his room and attempted a smile when Lance told him to wait for a minute while he did something.

Conflict fogged his mind, and he was too twisted up to be anything other than passive. Keith sat down on Lance’s bed and closed his eyes, wondering if Lance would hate him for what he had done, ignoring the muffled screaming of his instincts.

When Lance came back, the tips of his hair and the front of his shirt were slightly damp, so Keith guessed Lance had been doing his daily skincare routine. Keith didn’t mind the water when Lance pressed up against him, their lips connecting harshly.

Keith’s eyes had opened briefly upon Lance’s return, but they slipped closed once again. He was so fucking  _ tired. _ Tired of the anxiety, tired of worrying about whether or not this was the final straw for their relationship. He felt Lance against him and lost himself in the feeling, but Keith’s mind went blank and empty, his eyes unseeing no matter if they were open or closed.

“Good job today,” Lance mumbled quietly when he pulled away for a moment.

Keith’s shoulders went lax, and the tension in his body drained away, despite his anxiety never having been worse. “I thought you would’ve been mad.”

“Mad about what?” Lance went back in for another kiss, then drew back. “You agreed with me, didn’t you? You were just… doing what you had to for the universe.”

“But… what I said wasn’t enough. We didn’t do it the way you wanted to. I probably killed thousands of innocents today.” Lance’s lips returned to his, and Keith let his mouth part, although the action seemed distant and unimportant.

“You probably did.”

They didn’t talk for a while after that. Keith gave a blowjob and got a handjob in return. When they finally talked again, they had both ended up on the floor, and Keith’s head was pillowed on Lance’s lap. Fingers stroked absently through his hair, and the gentle touch felt nice.

“So we’re really… okay?”

“As long as we keep agreeing with each other.”

Keith couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be a joke.

If it was, it wasn’t a good one.

…

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Shiro.”

“I think it would be good for both of us to spend some time together, seeing as we’ve barely talked in a while.”

“No, I… I can’t.”

“...I know you don’t have plans, Keith. Nothing is happening today.”

“I  _ can’t, _ Shiro, okay? Shut the fuck up.”

…

_ roses are red _

_ violets are blue _

_ i cant lose lance _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ i love him _

_ please don’t leave _

_ a poem by keith kogane _

…

“Have you talked to Pidge lately?” Lance asked offhandedly.

“No, not really,” Keith admitted. “I think she’s pretty close to finding her brother, so I don’t want to distract her.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

…

“Have you seen Hunk lately?” Lance asked lazily, tracing random patterns across Keith’s arm.

“No,” Keith answered with a shrug. “We don’t have much in common, so it’s easier not to talk.”

“Yeah, I guess he’s kinda busy, too.”

…

“Had any interesting conversations with any of our friends lately?”

“No, I’ve been spending all my free time with you.”

“Yeah, me too.”

…


	5. Chapter 5

Keith should’ve expected it, really. It was an old classic; totally hot in old romance novels, less hot and more  _ scary _ in real life.

Being with Lance had tamed Keith, made him calmer and quieter and less violent. More passive and compliant than he had been in the past. Usually, this change had a positive effect, allowing him to see past his turbulent emotions to allow him to make swift, educated decisions in a short amount of time. This change also meant that people liked Keith better- as it turned out, being fiery and aggressive was a bad way to create connections- and that usually worked in their benefit.

Unfortunately, being likable and lacking the strength to really fight back meant that Keith ended up in situations that he would really have rather not experienced in his lifetime.

It happened at a party; Volton had been invited to a party hosted by a planet they had recently saved, and unlike the Arusians, the people of this planet were surprisingly humanoid. And not only did they look like humans, but they partied like humans, too. Big, dark space, food, drink, strobe lights, music, dancing, the whole nine yards.

Keith had never been a big fan of parties, but Lance loved them, so he let Lance drag him onto the dance floor for a bit. Dancing with Lance was fun, and was nothing like their relationship behind closed doors. Their dance was a dramatic whirlwind of smiling and spinning and fast movements. It was nice.

But, like everything else, Keith screwed it all up when he decided he was done and told Lance to keep having fun without him. He made his way to the bar and decided to drink his worries away. It was probably a dumb decision, considering the fact that the Paladins didn’t really know these people, nor did he know the possible effects their drinks could have on humans. Plus, Shiro would probably have a fit if he realized Keith was drinking- at the end of the day, Keith Kogane was underage. But there are no laws in space.

(That’s a lie, actually. Space had billions of laws. But the line sounded cooler in Keith’s head.)

The drink numbed things for a bit, and made awkward conversation he was forced to have with the people of the planet slightly less painful. Keith would never get used to it- the spotlight that had been placed on him. Truth be told, Keith didn’t think of himself as anything special; he was a soldier, and although he did something important for the universe, it was something anyone could have done. But to these people, he was like a fucking celebrity.

Being at the bar really wasn’t as nice as dancing with Lance, but Keith didn’t really have the strength to run back to his boyfriend.

Keith’s mind drifted as he made absent conversation with the alien man next to him, wondering what the team was up to these days. He didn’t really talk to anyone but Lance- and even he and Lance barely talked. Sure, he fought with them and joined in on the obligatory team-building activities, but-

He flinched when he suddenly felt something touch his thigh, and when he glanced down, he frowned when he realized it was a hand. And of course, the hand belonged to the man next to him. Keith looked up at the man’s face, but it was dark and he couldn’t see his expression.

Everything still felt distant, thanks to the combination of Keith’s social anxiety and the alcohol, but he snapped back into the conversation and tried to pay attention.

“So, Red Paladin, it must be difficult to find love when one is so wrapped up in being a hero.”

“Um-” Keith suddenly wished he hadn’t paid attention to the conversation and had come up with socially acceptable answers on autopilot instead of forcing himself to think of a reply. “Not- not really.”

“Really?” the man asked with a hint of surprise. “Well, I suppose a person as beautiful as you would have no issues with finding a bed for the night.”

Keith attempted a weak smile and a shrug and wondered how he could get himself out of this situation. The leg that wasn’t currently being used as an armrest jumped up and down with anxiety as he tried to think of a solution that wouldn’t involve either getting kicked out of the party or getting abandoned by Lance.

Neither of those sounded like good options. Wow, for once Keith and the universe’s needs aligned! It was a damn shame they agreed over something as stupid as getting hit on at a party.

“Would you care to share mine?” The man leaned in close, and Keith leaned as far back as he could without looking like he was trying to get away.

_ Fuck, where did the old me go? The one that would never let anyone get close? Why can’t I fucking  _ speak up?

Keith flinched once more as an arm suddenly came down around his shoulders, and the hand quickly vanished from his thigh. Someone sat down on his other side, and he didn’t even bother hiding his relieved smile when he realized it was Lance.

“Hey, Keith, what’s up?” Lance’s arm slid down his body to wrap around his waist as he scooted his chair closer to Keith’s. “The dance floor is way more fun than whatever lame shit’s going on over here, y’know.”

“Ha- yeah, probably.” Keith closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned into Lance.

“So, uh- who’s this guy?” Lance asked, gesturing towards the man that had been clearly flirting only moments before.

“We were just, um, talking about what it’s like to be part of Voltron.”

“Cool.” Lance shamelessly started pressing kisses along Keith’s neck, and Keith shivered in response.

“Ah, clearly not a challenge to find another’s bed after all,” the man muttered under his breath from beside them, loud enough for both Keith and Lance to hear.

“Yeah, what a slut,” Lance responded dryly. He knew damn well that Keith had only been with three people in his life, including him, so Keith sincerely hoped that was sarcasm in his voice.

Apparently, aliens don’t really understand sarcasm, so the alien man seemed to take those words to heart. “And here I was, attempting to seduce Voltron’s whore into my bed.”

Keith made a face but didn’t lash out. Lance just stood up and walked away, so Keith silently trailed after him.

Lance led them to an empty corner of the room. Upon arrival, Lance’s arm immediately slid off of Keith, and the bad feeling that constantly seemed to hover around their relationship returned.

“Were you going to sleep with him?” Lance asked.

Keith shook his head quickly, tilting his head up ever-so-slightly to meet Lance’s gaze. “N-no.”

“You’re lying,” Lance said flatly. “I know you are.  _ Were you going to sleep with him?” _

“I-” Keith couldn’t lie to Lance. He couldn’t. Not when the only thing Lance asked of him right now was honesty. “I was thinking about it. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of that situation.”

“You say no!” Lance growled under his breath. “You’re basically a slut, you don’t even try to fucking deny it.”

Keith wasn’t sure if he was turned on or scared. He wasn’t sure which one was supposed to be his response to something like that. “I... uh…”

All of a sudden, Keith was pushed up against a wall, and the only response he could think of to that was to kiss Lance. So he did.

They ended up fucking against a wall of an empty room outside of the party.

Keith knew that some people were into being degraded, and although he had never thought of himself as that kind of person, maybe he was? It wasn’t like the sex was bad or anything. Maybe it felt wrong, but he had liked it, hadn’t he? Everything was fine.

He had done it for Lance.

It was all for Lance.

…


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, Keith!”

Pidge had somehow found one of those rare moments where Keith wasn’t brooding alone or with Lance, and she used this opportunity to get something done.

“Hey, Pidge.” Keith looked up from his breakfast with a tentative smile. “Uh… is something going on?”

“Well-” Pidge hesitated. She didn’t know a lot about Keith’s interests beyond fighting in dangerous intergalactic wars and kicking ass of deserving idiots, so maybe her offer was a bit of a reach, but she still went for it. “Hunk and I managed to find a bunch of Earth books that somehow got released into the cosmos, so… if you want to read something, I can probably get it for you.”

“Oh.” Keith looked like he was contemplating something for a minute. “What kind of books? Like…”

“We’ve got a little bit of everything,” Pidge said, secretly glad that he seemed interested- she hadn’t been able to get through to Keith in a while. “Y’know, the classics, picture books, popular shit, even some manga if you’re into that.”

Keith seemed relieved, although over what, she wasn’t quite sure. “Do you have, um…” He hesitated. “‘The Giving Tree’? Shel… Silverstein?”

Pidge paused, thinking it over. “Maybe? It sounds familiar. What’s it about?”

Keith seemed even more hesitant now, and she wondered if it meant something to him. It had to, if it was the only book he deemed worthy of reading. Pidge would’ve psychoanalyzed the hell out of that if she knew what it was about. “Uh… basically this tree is friends with this little boy, and they’re happy at first, but then the boy wants more and more from her when he gets older, and when he’s an old man, the only thing that’s left of the tree is the stump, and when they realize they don’t have anything left, they’re kind of happy again.”

“That’s some deep shit, Keithy-boy.” Pidge had a feeling it was some sort of metaphor for whatever the fuck was up with Keith these days- so it probably had something to do with him and Lance- but she decided to focus more on being there for her friend rather than being a silent, unhelpful therapist.

“It’s… a picture book.”

Pidge nodded. “Cool, I can probably get you a copy in an hour.”

Keith awkwardly cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

“No problem. It was nice talking to you, Keith.”

She walked away, and debated saying more, but she decided not to push it. A little progress was better than no progress.

…

Lance was in the shower and Keith was lounging on Lance’s bed when his tablet beeped and he realized it was a notification. He turned it on and checked it- it was a message from Pidge.

_ hey bitch, couldn’t get the pictures to scan right but here’s what i’ve got _

_ [+1 attachment] _

_ -best bro pidgeon _

He smiled a little at the message before pressing on the attachment. It was a document, which took a second to load. Once it did, he smiled bitterly at the familiar cover. It was in black and white, so it wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.

Keith had only read the book a couple times in his life- once, when his old foster mother read it to him, and once or twice when he was at the Garrison and trying to understand why all of his relationships failed.

He started reading, and it all came flooding back to him- Keith remembered exactly what it meant to be the boy, and he remembered exactly what it meant to be the tree.

One of them was never satisfied, always asked for everything the other had to give. The other just wanted them to be happy and gave up everything they could in an effort to make the other happy. In the end, they were both screwed up, and neither of them were really happy.

Keith didn’t know much about relationships. He didn’t know what they were supposed to be, what was expected from him, what his role was meant to be. He wasn’t sure if it was okay to not know these things. He didn’t know if he was the one that had always screwed everything up, or if it had been someone else’s fault.

Keith had always thought that he was the boy in the story- the one that always asked for too much, that always ruined everything. But, looking back on it- was he? Was he always in the wrong?

Keith did know that a healthy relationship wasn’t supposed to have a boy or a tree- it was just supposed to be two people that were happy and in love. But he had never experienced one of those, he knew that for sure. Keith wasn’t sure if what he had with Lance was good or not, but it felt wrong and twisted.

So if Keith wasn’t the boy, who was he? Did that make him the tree? But- he had never been the victim. He had never had things taken away from him. No one had ever asked much from him. Right?

Keith heard the shower turn off and he swallowed anxiously. If he was the tree, that made Lance the boy. Did Lance ask too much of him? Did he ever dislike the things that they did or force himself to do it?

_ But the tree was happy; she just wanted to do something for her boy. She never thought of herself as victimized or in pain. She just… gave and gave and gave. _

The door to the bathroom opened and Lance strolled in with a lazy smile on his face.

“Lance,” Keith blurted out unthinkingly, “Why do I let you take everything from me?”

The smile on Lance’s face dropped, and he didn’t speak for a few moments. “I… I don’t.”

“But you do,” Keith replied. “You… do, don’t you?”

“Keith, I don’t know what’s wrong, but- we’re happy. We’re happy and in love, aren’t we?” The desperate look on Lance’s face was almost enough for Keith to back off and accept what he had, be happy he had found anything close to love in the first place.

“No…” Keith said slowly, shaking his head. “I… I don’t think we are, Lance.”

“Why?” Lance asked, panic filling his voice. “What- what did I do wrong? Did I- did I hurt you? I thought… I thought you liked it, Keith, you said you were okay!”

“I thought I was, but I’m not!” Keith felt far away, and he wasn’t sure if his words had become a yell or not. “I’m not okay, Lance!”

“I…” Lance hesitated before continuing, his voice wobbling, like he was on the verge of tears. “Leave. Get out of here, Keith.”

Keith opened his mouth to say something else, but he couldn’t do it. So he just swallowed down his words and fled across the hall to his empty room.

His sheets smelled like Lance.

…

They didn’t speak for a long time.

Voltron itself was on a bit of a hiatus as they tried to come up with a solid plan to take the Galra down, so they didn’t fight together.

Keith was already an insomniac, so their schedules never coincided- they never ate together or trained together.

The team picked up on the change almost immediately, so they were never forced to spend time together.

It was like  _ Keith and Lance _ had never existed.

…

Pidge picked up on it almost immediately. She had intended on talking to Keith about the book at some point, ask if he wanted anything else, but she had accidentally run into him in the middle of the night when Keith seemed to be eating an incredibly late dinner.

He had refused to talk about it, but it was pretty obvious that something had happened between them.

…

Shiro figured it out a day or so later. He had caught Keith training while the others were eating breakfast and decided to ask about it, since Keith usually didn’t miss an opportunity to spend time with Lance and eat Hunk’s cooking.

Instead of replying, Keith had just hugged Shiro tightly, and Shiro was too scared to say anything else.

…

Hunk figured it out a few days later. Hunk had decided to do a routine checkup on all of the Lions, and he had spotted Lance hanging out in Blue’s cockpit.

He had made the mistake of asking where Keith was, and the only response he got was a long spiel about Lance’s failed love life, so it wasn’t very difficult to connect the dots.

…

The three of them carefully informed Allura and Coran of what not to say to Keith or Lance, but there wasn’t anything they could really do.

It was Keith and Lance’s problem to fix.

…

  
  


Keith’s days consisted of training, meals at odd hours of the day, and the occasional couple hours of sleep. It was a schedule he had maintained before- a schedule he had mostly given up for Lance- but it was more uncomfortable due to the added sidequest, which was, of course,  _ avoid Lance. _

It wasn’t really that difficult, since Lance seemed to be doing the same thing, and never seemed to be hanging around the Castleship at the same time as Keith. And they had never really had much in common, anyway.

Since Keith no longer had anything to occupy his time, he found himself thinking a lot. And… there wasn’t really a lot to think about.

Except Lance, of course.

There were a few different things about Lance that Keith thought about. For example: were his eyes really a beautiful blue color, or were they actually the disgusting color of the ocean? Were his freckles really cute, or were they actually the aftermath of acne scars? Was Lance’s personality charming, or manipulative? Did he actually use Keith, or should they be cuddling in Lance’s bed, completely happy and not fighting at all? Was Keith responsible for his own demise, or was he justified in blaming Lance?

He really was having a fun little vacation.

Keith did let himself think about things other than Lance, though. Things he hadn’t thought about since living alone in the desert. He tried to remember who he was. What was his favorite color? Was it red? Were lions really his favorite animal? He vaguely remembered liking hippos as a kid. Did Keith like being alone? He kind of missed the contact he got from being with Lance and his other team members. Were he and the others even friends? When was the last time he had been with them outside of the context of giant space alien war?

Keith wasn’t really sure why he was avoiding everyone. What did that do for him? It didn’t bring him any closer to achieving happiness- whatever happiness really was. Was he avoiding Lance?  _ Why? _ Why were they fighting?

He was lost, and he knew it.

Keith reread the Giving Tree a few times, trying to figure out the answers to all of these things. But the words betrayed nothing, and Keith wasn’t sure how he felt about the ending. Was the ending destined to be his and Lance’s ending? Was that what he wanted?

…

“Hey, Lance,” Shiro said carefully as he sat down in the seat across from the Blue Paladin.

“Oh. Hey, Shiro.” There was a bit of a reproachful gleam in Lance’s eyes, and if Shiro hadn’t been cautious before, he sure was now.

“So… I know things haven’t been the best for you lately. You or Keith.”

The name was enough to get Lance to shoot him a glare, but he said nothing, so Shiro continued.

“I know that something happened between you two, and- it’s hard not to notice. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, that’s okay, but-”

“I’ll talk about it,” Lance said quickly.

Shiro raised an eyebrow at the fast reply, but nodded. “Alright. What happened?”

Lance stared at him for a moment before letting it all out in a single breath- “I thought me and Keith were happy, but I guess he wasn’t, and he just suddenly said it one day and we kind of argued until I kicked him out and we haven’t talked since.”

Shiro nodded. He had been hoping for a little more detail, something with substance that would help him control the issue, but it was a good start. “Why do you think he wouldn’t be happy?”

Lance hesitated with a sigh. “I- I don’t know if our relationship was… good or not. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, and I don’t think Keith really has, either? Or at least, if he has, it wasn’t a good one, y’know?” He paused, and an encouraging nod was all it took to get him to continue. “I guess, looking back on it, I was a little bit- a lot. The only examples I ever had were movies, really, and- that’s not a good excuse, I  _ know, _ but… I don’t think I did anything good? But at the same time, he never tried to do anything about it either. If anything, he told me it was okay.” Lance frowned. “But that’s not fair to him, either. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

The information wasn’t really a surprise to Shiro- he might be missing an arm, but he wasn’t missing his eyes. From his outsider’s perspective, it was pretty clear that they weren’t good for each other, and the details to it didn’t really bring anything new to light. But, like it or not, Keith and Lance were in two of the most critical positions in the universe, and they couldn’t sacrifice that for their argument. “What do you want to happen with you and Keith now?”

“I- I don’t know.” Shiro now saw the shadows under Lance’s eyes. “I want us to be happy again? But I’ve also thought about it a lot and I know that we didn’t help each other the first time.”

Shiro nodded and forced a sympathetic smile. “I think you should talk about it.” He didn’t really want Keith and Lance to get back together, but if they didn’t resolve their issues, the universe was fucked, and part of Shiro cared a little more about the safety of countless of lives across the cosmos than he did an argument between two of some of the most important people in his life. Like it or not, Keith and Lance- and, by extension, Shiro- were obligated to find a resolution.

Shiro hadn’t wanted to get involved before, but it was starting to look like they’d avoid each other forever.

He wasn’t sure if he really made an impact, but hopefully, they were a little closer to finding peace than before.

…

“Keith.”

Keith flinched entirely too violently, considering the situation, almost dropping his bowl of space cereal. He turned around and cracked a tiny, forced smile at the sight of Pidge. “Uh- hey. Hi.”

“What’re you doing up at this hour, Kogane?” Pidge asked. He could tell from her tone that she wanted something, and a Pidge that wanted something was usually a scary Pidge, but Keith hadn’t talked to anyone in what felt like days, so he decided scary Pidge was better than no Pidge.

“Um… eating…”

“What meal do you think you’re eating right now?” Pidge asked critically, the light reflecting off her glasses like an anime villain or some shit.

“...breakfast?”

Pidge sighed dramatically, but smiled that little introverted, good-natured smile she had. “Of course. Once an insomniac, always an insomniac, amiright?”

Keith let himself laugh. It felt about as forced as his smile, but he found himself relaxing nonetheless.

“So what’ve you been up to?” Pidge asked open-endedly. Keith knew it was a trap, and that this conversation would probably end with him being sad, but he was definitely in need of some human contact, so he took the bait.

“Training. Um… sleeping. Eating.”

“If you ditch the training, sounds just like my summer vacations,” Pidge said jokingly. She made her way over to one of the various cabinets and selected the classic green goo- even if Hunk had made great strides in trying to make them eat good food, it was important to never forget your roots. “Seen Lance lately.”

Remarkably, Keith didn’t stiffen up with fear, or… whatever else made you flinch. Anxiety? Anyway, he was proud of his solid, unshaking voice as he nonchalantly asked, “Why would I see Lance?”

“Well…” Pidge shot a nervous glance at him. “You know I know that you guys are… on a break?”

“Of course you do,” Keith said with a sigh. He kind of knew that everyone else knew that he and Lance weren’t okay, but he hadn’t really heard it put so bluntly. “What do you want to know about it?”

“I want you two to talk,” Pidge said flatly. “We- me, Hunk, and Shiro- promised that we weren’t going to get involved with any of it, but even I can tell that you two need to quit avoiding each other and talk about your feelings or something.”

“Wise words for a tiny bird,” Keith replied dryly, although he knew Pidge was right. Just like he had thought of it before- his needs, the team’s needs, and Lance’s needs all had different standards, but it seemed they had aligned once more.

“So you’re going to talk to him?” Pidge said, although it was less of a question and more of a statement.

Keith nodded and swallowed any other words he might have for Pidge along with his spoonful of space cereal. She offered him a small smile in exchange, and Pidge drank the Altean version of coffee in silence alongside Keith.

It might’ve been the most human interaction he’d had in a while.

…

They found each other the next day. It was late- as far as Keith knew, everyone had gone to sleep already. Everyone, of course, apart from Lance.

Although Keith was better-known for spending insane amounts of time on the training deck, he was also a space nerd at heart, and watching the stars go by on a quiet night never failed to calm his anxiety.

Lance’s constant homesickness always seemed to draw him back to the observatory, and Keith knew that Lance loved the stars as much as he did. They had watched the stars together before, both before and while they were dating. Keith and Lance were well aware of how much the room meant to them both, and Keith had avoided it throughout his mission to avoid Lance.

After his talk with Pidge, Keith had decided that he needed to stop avoiding Lance, and he figured someone had talked to Lance, too, so he decided to wait it out on the observatory deck.

Space really was incredible, when you stopped to think about it. Throughout the brief history of modern Voltron, the team had had very little downtime, and when you were so busy with all the little things, it was easy to forget the big picture. They were in  _ space. _ Keith had only dreamed of being here when he was younger, and he didn’t want to take it for granted.

Stars lazily drifted by, the distant glow of swirling nebulas and galaxies drawing him in and allowing his mind to be free, if only for a little while. The faintest hint of a smile crossed his face as he was reminded of how much…  _ space _ there was in the universe. Countless moons circling planets orbiting stars filling up the emptiness of reality. Nothing twinkled like he had thought it would, but there was something calming about the stillness of it all. Stability.

Keith didn’t react as he heard the door to the observatory slide open. He didn’t react as soft footsteps grew nearer and nearer. He didn’t react as a familiar presence sat down beside him.

He knew, without looking, that it was Lance. He knew that he  _ should _ react- wouldn’t you react, if a person that hurt you settled next to you like nothing had ever happened? But Keith didn’t want to. The tranquility of space was better than forcing himself to confront his emotions.

They sat in silence for a while. Longer than they should have, really. But Lance finally broke it by quietly clearing his throat. “Hey, Keith.” The words were soft, but they hurt Keith more than being screamed and shouted at had ever hurt him.

“Hey, Lance.” His voice sounded rough. Out of place. Wasn’t it meant to be quieter? Why was it so… loud?

Why was everything so loud?

Lance took a deep breath, started- “I-”- stopped, took a deep breath, and- “Keith, I’m sorry.”- started again.

Keith tore his gaze away from the glass to look at Lance. Deep blue eyes, so dark he could see the reflections of galaxies swirling in them, met his own, an image that pained him. He closed his eyes and turned back to space, but his eyes remained closed, in fear that Lance would be reflecting off the galaxies. “Don’t say that.”

“Why?” Lance asked, still soft, but edging towards desperate. “Why don’t you want me to say sorry? Why… why-?”

His half-formed sentence had long trailed off before Keith replied. “Because I thought that was… what love meant. Not saying sorry. Doing…  _ everything. _ Everything you wanted me to.”

“What does that  _ mean, _ Keith?” Lance whispered. Keith could imagine his eyes shining as tears threatened to fall. “How… how do we even fix this?”

“I don’t know if we can,” Keith replied quietly.

He didn’t see it, but he could imagine Lance’s silent nod. It was more bowing his head than a nod; acceptance, but without a semblance of happiness.

“Were we in love?”

“I don’t know.” The words felt wrong on Keith’s tongue, but he didn’t know what would feel right.

“Do you want to try again?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you  _ want?” _

“I… don’t know.”

“What  _ do _ you know, Keith?”

_ I don’t know anything. _ The words never came to fruition, but Keith felt them echo through his heart. “Can we just… try to be normal again?”

“I don’t remember what normal means, Keith.” Lance’s voice was tired. No,  _ exhausted. _ They both were. But they didn’t know how to make it stop.

“Can we be friends?”

“Okay…”

“And if it turns into something else, then…” Keith hesitated, then allowed the sentence to finish with a remainder of his former strength, his confidence. “Then we’ll figure it out.” He opened his eyes and turned to Lance, allowing that tiny half-smile to cross his face once more.

Lance nodded, the movement no longer a hushed acceptance. “Okay.” His expression mirrored Keith’s, a small reminder of what they once were.

“Whatever we are, Lance, you’re important to- to me.”

“You- you’re important to me too, Keith.”

They looked away from each other, their gazes once more caught on what went on beyond them, burning millions of lightyears away.

Keith wasn’t sure what this conversation meant.

He hoped it meant something good.

_ It has to be. _

Hours passed by, the seconds ticking away without a word from either of them.

_ And the tree was happy… _

_ ... _


End file.
